November 29, 2022

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Bullet Train (2022)

2 min read

Train wreck in story line, train wreck of a movie it is so apt its silly. This is the simplest review we could make for this movie. It has to be said, that this has some passable stunts and effects, the overall idea for the story line is a good one.

Based on a Japanese novel, the movie follows a retired thief (Pitt) who is hired to “retrieve” a case from the tokyo bullet train in one stop, simple enough however fate has other ideas.

The case was brought to the train by assassins tasked with its retrieval and that of a gangsters son.. something they apparently struggle to do..

Along the way he is assaulted by other failed jobs.. and survives.

Add to this other twists and turns and you have a bad bad movie.

Throw in Joey King as the “prince” plotting to kill the gangster boss and it gets worse.

The action in this is passable to kill time, but utterly unbelievable. Along the way Ladybug (pitt) is assaulted, stabbed, shot at, attacked by snakes, dangled out an emergency hatch… well the rest we will leave to you should you make the unwise decision to actually watch this thing.

The story is long and weird, with lots of interconnections leading up to the final sequence, which is a rather unbelievable train wreck, they crash the bullet train in what is so obviously CGI its laughable.

We have also to ask why, from a japanese story, on a tokyo bullet train, there are very few asian or coloured people, the star is white, the bad guys are white or black, the passengers we do see are white, there are only a couple of japanese actors in the whole thing. if they were going to do that why not move it to an american train… other than of course they wouldnt be as punctual loosing a few of the gags.

Overall this movie is 2hours too long and its only a 2hour 8 minute runtime to start with.

Pitt gives a low brow performance, the other actors are sub par, if this were a B movie it would be an insult to the genre!

Can you tell it isnt very good and lots of other critics agreed, although they tried to film this as a dark movie, or a dark comedy it just doesn’t work at all.

2/5 (we cant agree with others reviews who seemed to like it.. sorry)

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