April 20, 2024

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Madame Web (2024)

4 min read

If you believe the reviewers and the overall press, anticipation for a new thread (pardon the pun) of the spiderman universe was high, but dis the movie deliver, well in this case no. This was as bad as the negative people wrote and then some. A train wreck and mess would be an understatement!

The journey begins with a poorly written and executed opener, set ij 1970s Peru. Instantly, warning flags are raised as the scene unfolds with bad angles and wooden acting. We are introduced to our heroine, Cassandra Webb, and her poor and frankly absurd backstory involving spiders and spider-people.

Then without furthe explanation of how, we are thrust forward thirty years, and Cassandra (played by Dakota Johnson) is now a paramedic in Boston, working alongside Ben Parker (Adam Scott), known to most as Peter Parker’s uncle—except in this peculiar iteration where all references to Spider-Man seem conspicuously absent.

Following a rather yet again poorly exercised near-death experience that Cassandra discovers her newfound ability to glimpse into the future. This power leads her on a path to save the lives of three teenagers—Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O’Connor—each targeted by a madman with unsettling ties to her past.

What follows is a story that spirals into a convoluted mess, leaving watchers wondering what’s going on and why.

A script penned by four writers, including director SJ Clarkson, attempts to navigate this labyrinthine storyline, but instead of clarity, we are left with a sense of disorientation.

The film’s setting, primarily Boston masquerading as New York, only adds to the confusion. As I watched, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was studio filmmaking at its worst—a mishmash of ideas, hastily thrown together without regard for meaning

Efforts to reposition “Madame Web” as a a form of action thriller simply fall flat on their face bo matter whay they want us to thino.

The effects in the movie are poor to say the least they smell of someone trying too hard to spend a budget to make things work at all. all flat on their face.

The Characters are burdened with poorly written exposition, drowning any hope of emotional investment amidst the cacophony of disjointed scenes.

This was super hero film making at its worst

One of the film’s stupid decisions seem to be the complete removal of any references to Spider-Man—a decision that feels both puzzling stupid in the extreme.

An entire subplot involving Emma Roberts as Ben Parker’s pregnant sister, on the cusp of giving birth to a child whose name remains a mystery, only serves to add to the film’s jumbled nature.

Whilst we think about the weirdness of the film we have to ask about the casting whilst Dekota Johnson is a good actor, she simply isn’t cut out to be any sort of a superhero of any kind. She seems to just be going through the paces of making it just acceptable Her half assed performance adds to the film’s overall sense of lethargy. Sydney Sweeney, in an odd schoolgirl cosplay, and the rest of the ensemble struggle to inject life into characters burdened by an aimless plot.

Along with a rather thin and unbelievable even for a superhero movie story there are just the logistical issues with the plot. How, in the late 20th century are we to belive that anyone can fly to peru wander alone to the middle of a forest and back again on a day or two. Not to mention not catching a disease from the water. Amidst this chaotic mess, the blatant product placement of Pepsi jars me from my immersion. Its uncomfortably frequent appearances, including a climactic set piece featuring the iconic Pepsi-Cola sign in Queens, serve as a jarring reminder of the film’s commercial interests.

Dakota Johnson’s lacklustre portrayal of the role only ads to the poor outcome of this film —a talented actor caught in a web of uninspired writing and direction. Her co-stars, though capable in their own right, are given little to work with, resulting in a collective effort that feels disjointed and unconvincing.

Overall this is a missed opportunity the studio could have done so much with this as an idea, the finished product only holds up for about 30 minutes if it’s runtime before it simply falls apart to stupidity. The last 10 minutes of this movie simply shouldn’t have been this way. It’s so bad it will end up on the YouTube channels of ridicule foe ever more.

2/5 (and that’s being generous)

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